My Nuclear Family in Innocent Times – Kathleen, Geneva, Joyce, Vance and Janet
On the morning of March 18, my sister Janet called and told me my father passed away earlier that morning. When my daughter and I got into our car to drive to the assisted nursing facility where my mother now resides and my sisters would be gathering, the very first notes of a song called I Believe (from the Broadway hit Spring Awakening) pierced the car. The words are simple. “I believe – All will be forgiven – I believe – There is love in heaven – Peace and joy be with them – Harmony and wisdom – Oh I believe.” A chorus repeats these words for the duration of the song. Before that day, I considered it one of the least memorable songs from the play but on that desolate early March morning, I was a river of tears all the way to the retirement home. Now, it moves me every time I hear it.
As a teenager, I used to think the songs that played on the car radio held personal messages for me from God, fate or the universe. I outgrew this naïve (and incredibly narcissistic) idea eventually, but it resurfaced when I Believe was the first song to penetrate my shell-shocked grief. In fairness, I had been playing the Spring Awakening CD in the car, making the odds of hitting I Believe significantly higher than on the radio. Still – the CD is about an hour long, of which I Believe takes up all of 2:31. Intellectually, I know I’m constructing meaning out of a mere coincidence. Emotionally, I choose to hear it as a message. (My father was a Lutheran pastor, which is why those particular words resonated so strongly)
A couple weeks ago my sister Joyce gave me a CD she called SONGS OF SOLACE – music that expressed the grief that accompanies a great loss and the perfect soundtrack for a good long cry. These are the songs she selected, which I recommend to anyone who has recently suffered a loss and – like me – finds music helps to process painful emotions.
I’ll comment on some of the other songs in another blog since this is running long. If you know a great song about grief, I’d welcome suggestions for a SONGS OF SOLACE 2.
SONGS OF SOLACE PLAYLIST
- I Believe…..from the cast of “Spring Awakening”
- Sand and Water……Beth Nielsen Chapman
- Silent House…..Dixie Chicks
- Flock of Birds…..Coldplay
- Beam Me Up……Pink
- Brothers in Arms……Dire Straits
- Company…..Ricki Lee Jones
- My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose……Eva Cassedy
- Quarter Moon……Cheryl Wheeler
- How Long Will I Love You…….Ellie Goulding
- He Lives in You…..from the cast of “The Lion King”
- Leader of the Band…..Dan Fogelberg
- Texas Girl at the Funeral of her Father……Randy Newman
- 10,000 Miles…….Mary Chapin Carpenter
- Further and Further Away……Cheryl Wheeler
- Theme from the film, “About Time”
- Just a Closer Walk With Thee…..from Dixieland Hymns CD (for Vance)
- Bright Side of Down……John Gorka
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