This entry fails to convey the overwhelming confusion and excitement of my first day in high school. If my memory serves me well, Cabrillo Jr. High and the now defunct Jefferson Jr. High fed into Wilcox High, effectively doubling the student body and ensuring that at best any student might recognize half of the student body. Naturally, the structure itself needed to be twice as large to accommodate approximately 2000 pupils. To me, it seemed huge. I’d never gone to school in a two-story building before.
I harbored many illusions about high school, gleaned from movies, TV and the Scholastic Book Club. Classes didn’t loom large in any of these narratives. Instead they focused on sock hops, meet-cute flirtations, proms, football games, gang warfare (West Side Story) and popularity.
I longed to be popular and, in my own misguided way, I tried. I didn’t succeed. I’m not sure how the chosen kids in the In Crowd reached their exalted status. Was their success due to their self-confidence or was their confidence due to their success? There seemed to be no objective criteria although good looks, athletic ability and the means to buy bitchen’ clothes and hot wheels didn’t hurt.
I’m not saying Soc’s were stupid but being known as brainy was not a plus. Neither was being a P.K.(preacher’s kid), not to mention an introvert. Aside from Carrie, no introverts ever got elected King or Queen of the Prom. My parents, however, were elected King and Queen of their high school prom. Unfortunately, they failed to pass their popularity gene down to me.
According to Ralph Keyes (Is There Life After High School), popularity comes with its own set of problems. It’s hard to hold on to, for one thing – not only in high school but afterward. The adulation accorded a high school football star fades after graduation. It’s not that easy to duplicate – let alone surpass – high school glory days when the bar has been set unrealistically high. If you’re addicted to applause, withdrawal is painful and it’s hard to hook up with a new supply in the real world.
In 1965, I would’ve gladly shouldered these burdens for a seat at the In Crowd’s table, proving how easily I forget who I am. I don’t like groups, for one thing. I’d rather watch from the sidelines than be the center of attention. And I’d hate to lose the perks of membership in the Out Crowd – the freedom to be silly and screw up (when you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose). The fierce drive to prove myself to people who rejected me.
I’ve heard it said that for a writer, a lousy childhood is the gift that keeps on giving. So is being on the outside looking in during high school.
Sandra (Sandy) September 15, 2016 at 8:46 am
“When you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose”–I like that and yet it is sad in itself. I’m not sure I’ve got this quote exactly right but I think it was Woody Allen (yeah, yeah…that’s another story) who said, “Why would I want to belong to a club who would have someone like me as a member?” The ‘In Crowd’ in high school (any high school for that matter) was only “In” for that time in history. I can’t say for certain, but they probably aren’t nearly as “In” today. You captured the essence of high school in most of your diary entries–it was a different time that we’ll often look back on with laughter, tears, some regrets, and longing. Thank you.
skywhys September 25, 2016 at 7:51 pm
I can’t think of high school (or junior high for that matter) without thinking of you. You almost always found a way to make me laugh on even the worst of days.
Krystal Pittman Woodward September 15, 2016 at 4:29 pm
Thought I would share this with you, recently had this conversation with Laura Beech, whom I considered popular, to know her was to love her, knew her from grade school. I went to Jefferson, but attended grade school with most the kids from Cabrillo, so for a lot of us were back with old friends. Anyway, I just never thought there was a popular group, actually probably didn’t think about it at all. I had wonderful friends, and if I was in a group it would be Lydia, Kathy Hollingsworth, Joel, Kathy and Pat Locey. We were a constant and often rode to school and home taking turns driving, Lydia and I got our license and a car our Junior year. However I ventured out of the group, Cathy Hurt has been a friend since we were 3 yrs old, my mom babysat them, loved Cathy like a sister. Hung out with Alicia Minor and Pam Sobiech and a few others on a regular basis. Alicia was a year younger than us, but boy did we have fun getting into mischief. Jack DiGorgio and Paula Skrettingland worked with us at Cinema 150, and we had a lot of fun our Senior year. I guess what I am saying is the In crowd only exist if you acknowledge its existence, which I was totally oblivious to it. I would have considered you popular, everyone knew you and never heard a bad word about you. Can’t say the same thing for some of our classmates singled out with titles, most popular, friendliest? Really? Says who? Not saying anything bad about anyone, I could, but what’s the point. Anyway, maybe being oblivious was a good thing, made some life long friends, had some great journeys with them and are very popular to me. Wished you would have hung with us. Your story about taking the car and getting caught was hysterical. You sure would have fit right in with our group!
skywhys September 25, 2016 at 7:48 pm
Thanks for a most enlightening response that casts a different perspective on things. You sound like you (and your friends) were definitely more psychologically sound than me! I definitely would’ve considered you part of the popular crowd – that said, I liked you anyway (as much as I knew you) — you were never one of the type I hated.(I didn’t really know anybody well enough to hate them. Envied is probably more accurate.) It’s interesting how the passage of time makes all those old comparisons of status seem silly and irrelevant.