enneagram

August 13, 1989

August 13, 1989

The Villa - Elizabeth Taylor's former digs were just down the beach
The Villa – Elizabeth Taylor’s former digs were just down the beach

It’s weird to read an entry like this when photographs of the same day tell a different story. Several explanations spring to mind.

  1. I’m a born curmudgeon and complainer.
  2. I suffered a hormonal imbalance.
  3. It takes me a while to acclimate to new places.
  4. I lost at bridge, which always puts me in a terrible mood.
  5. No matter where I find myself, I want to be somewhere else.
  6. All of the above.
Me with our host, Ed Cutter
Me with our host, Ed Cutter

In 1989, the answer was “all of the above.” In the ensuing decades, I’d like to think I’ve matured to the extent that I no longer yearn to be someplace else. On the contrary, I’m grateful to be exactly where I am right now.

John, me, Ed Cutter
John, me, Ed Cutter

Why did it take me so long to realize the benefits of living here and now, something most people don’t need to “learn” at all? I believe I was born this way. If you know anything about the enneagram, I identify as a #4 – people prone to melancholy nostalgia over a lost, idealized past. Not exactly the life of any party (that might be a #7).

Puerto Vallarta 1

You can’t get over being a #4 (or any other number) – we are all who we are. That doesn’t mean we can’t be a better version of ourselves.

Puerto Vallarta 2

In this case, believe the pictures – not my words.

 

March 2, 1980

Showing off the nightgown Peggy gave me
Showing off the nightgown Peggy gave me.

March 2, 1980 P

With Janet, whose birthday is two days after mine
With Janet, whose birthday is two days after mine.
With Bennett Traub and an incognito JoAnn Hill.
With Bennett Traub and an incognito JoAnn Hill.

As the photos suggest (a very well-documented party, thanks to my sister Janet) this was a fun birthday party with two very familiar features – the phone call with my parents, in which they regale me once again with the details of my birth in a snowstorm. I’m ashamed to admit I got impatient with them although I tried not to show it – don’t they understand that I know this story by heart? How many times are we going to tell it? Of course, now that they’re gone, I’d give anything to stroll down those familiar paths of memory again.

JoAnn Hill, ArtEverett, Joyce and John Salter.
JoAnn Hill, ArtEverett, Joyce and John Salter.
The beautiful Peggy
The beautiful Peggy

And – true confession – I’ve been known to torture my own three children with overly-long sagas about their birth – which I’m sure they’d prefer to live without.

Sharon Grish, CD - who recently turned 3 - Joyce and JoAnn Hill
Sharon Grish, CD – who recently turned 3 – Joyce and JoAnn Hill
My CD at 3
My CD at 3

My second obligatory birthday riff – no matter what birthday it happens to be – is how achingly sad I feel to be so old. The melancholy trauma of aging hit me for the first time when I turned ten. I was inconsolable at the realization that from that day forward, my age would never again be a single digit.

Peggy Tanneyhill (Horn) and Bennett Traub
Peggy Tanneyhill (Horn) and Bennett Traub
Me with Terry McDonnell
Me with Terry McDonnell

Although I should know better by now (live for today, darn it!) I’m always lamenting the loss of something trivial, especially compared to the blessings I’ve enjoyed in this life. If you’re into the enneagram, I’m a classic type 4 personality – obsessed by what’s missing, never satisfied with what I have – until I lose it, anyway.

Me talking to Peggy
Me talking to Peggy

July 12, 1968


June 12. 1968 Revised

Milking the cow back in 1955

Judging by the October 1955 photo above, even at four I wasn’t a “thank god I’m a country girl” type.  Still, I couldn’t help wondering what my life would be like if I’d grown up in Missouri instead of Silicon Valley.

Fishing with some of our relatives in Iowa.
Fishing with some of our relatives in Iowa.

Most of my cousins – almost all of my extended family – lived in the Midwest in 1968. Every other year, our family loaded up the station wagon and drove to Estherville and Graettinger in the northeastern corner of Iowa.  There are aspects of Iowa that are buried deep in my subconscious, images that are inscribed on my brain – brick or white houses, humidity and mosquitoes, dinners with fresh buttered sweet corn and strange puffy homemade bread. The smell of coffee wafted through the day – coffee and musty old books. The basements, which all contained a washer, dryer and toilet were damp and a little bit scary even though that’s where we always played.  It was cooler down there even though sometimes it was still so hot all we could do was breathe and sweat. I hate to sweat.

With adult cousins on my father's side
With adult cousins on my father’s side

My grandfather, commonly referred to as R.S. by all grandchildren, was a real go-getter, a non-stop talker. Even after retirement, he didn’t quit; he took volunteer work in a funeral parlor, probably to remind himself on a daily basis of how much more vital he was than the average man. In a box in his basement, he stored the obituaries of all his friends. The basement also held a pool table and assorted recreation equipment but my cousins and I enjoyed the obits most. I suppose our fear of death – and its imminence for all the aged people of Estherville – made it an object of high hilarity.

With adult cousins on my mother's side - at the tiny (very tiny) Spencer airport
With adult cousins on my mother’s side – at the tiny (very tiny) Spencer airport

We had no idea how quickly time could pass.